Engagement is an important ceremony that signifies the decision of two people to move towards marriage together, symbolizing their love and commitment, and laying the foundation for their future lives. Xiaoxi has compiled a comprehensive guide for the entire engagement process, which can help everyone better advance the engagement ceremony.
1、 Engagement Date
Engagement usually takes place six months to a year before marriage, which allows enough time to prepare for the wedding and ensures that the two are not too far apart. Additionally,
You can also get engaged in your zodiac year, but it's best to schedule an auspicious day with Mr. Yin Yang. If you're not too concerned, choose a day with a good meaning to get engaged.
Please note that engagement should be avoided in June, July, and December.
1. The sixth lunar month is the middle of the year, and people believe that couples who get engaged and married in the sixth lunar month will be halfway couples.
2. The seventh lunar month is considered unlucky as the Ghost Month.
3. There is a saying in the folk that "marrying a bride in the first lunar month will hinder the parents in law, and in the future, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will not be compatible, while getting engaged in the twelfth lunar month will defeat the mother-in-law's family. But now this custom is gradually being abandoned, and there are also many people getting married at the beginning of the first lunar month.
2、 Preparation for engagement
The things that men and women need to prepare are different.
[Male Preparation]
1. Dowry money
Cash or transfer is fine, cash looks better, packed in a red gift box.
2. Sanjin/Hardware
Both parties can discuss whether to give three types of gold or hardware. Gold jewelry includes gold bracelets, gold necklaces, gold rings, gold earrings, gold anklets, etc. You can choose one or duplicate it.
3. Banquet money
Engagement is usually prepared by the woman, but in some regions, the man will discount the banquet money to the woman.
4. Matchmaker's Gift
It depends on local customs whether there are matchmakers or hired matchmakers to provide it.
5. Four/Six/Eight Gifts
The four common gifts are tobacco, wine, tea and sugar. The number of these gifts should be even, which has a good meaning of pairing. Other gifts can also be given, such as chicken, duck, fish, meat, desserts, Dim sum, dragon, phoenix, candle, etc.
6. Fresh flowers
Usually prepare two bouquets, one bouquet of roses for the bride to be and one bouquet of carnations for the bride's mother.
[Female Preparation]
1. Clothing and ACCESSORIES
The female party needs to prepare clothing and accessories such as suits, SHOES, ties, watches, etc. for the male party during the engagement to show her concern and love for him.
2. Engagement banquet
The female party needs to prepare a wedding banquet to entertain the male party and his family, expressing gratitude for the groom's dowry.
3. Specialty products
The female party can purchase some specialties, fruits, daily necessities, health products, etc. as gifts to the male party.
4. Matchmaker's Gift
The woman also needs to prepare a matchmaker gift to thank the matchmaker for facilitating this marriage.
5. Return gift
The woman should return half of each gift brought by the man.
3、 Arrangement of engagement banquet
The engagement banquet can be held at home or in a hotel, lively at home and convenient in a hotel. If it is held in a hotel, estimate in advance how many people will attend, preferably book a hotel room about three months in advance, and then send an engagement invitation to relatives and friends.
Who will pay for it
Different regions have different wedding customs, so everyone should try to follow local customs as much as possible. The following are two common situations:
1. The female party pays for it
On the day of the engagement, the groom needs to bring the dowry and betrothal gifts to the bride's house for the engagement, while the bride needs to host a banquet to entertain them, which is a manifestation of traditional etiquette. The woman can invite the man and his companions to dine at the hotel, or choose to hold a small engagement banquet at home, with the expenses borne by the woman.
2. The female party pays for the male party's affairs
In some regions, there may be situations where the bride arranges a wedding banquet and the groom pays for it. That is, when the bride prepares for the engagement banquet, the groom discounts the money to the bride after the ceremony, and this money is also called the "banquet gift".
4、 Inviting guests to engagement banquet
1. Respected elders
Important relatives and elders from both families, such as grandparents, uncles, and aunts, are required to attend the wedding banquet to show their appreciation for the engagement.
2. A close friend
If both parties have very good friends, you can also invite them to attend your engagement banquet and share joy and happiness together.
3. Marriage witness or matchmaker
If the prospective couple met through a third person's introduction, this "matchmaker" must also be present and thank him for bringing you together.
5、 Order wedding attire
Prospective groom: shirt, suit, leather shoes.
Bride to be: red DRESS, high heels.
Parents: Father's suit, Mother's qipao or formal dress.
6、 Decoration of the engagement banquet venue
Background board
KTB with "engagement banquet", date, and name written on it
ornament
Xiaoxi characters, gauze curtains, balloons, ribbons, letter lights, etc
Roll Screen
A welcome sign placed at the entrance of the private room to guide guests
Table and red tablecloth
Place dessert tables or cakes, as well as engagement letters, betrothal gifts, flowers, etc
Engagement letter
Can be customized in advance and signed or handprinted directly on the wedding day
Early Birth Noble Son Basket
Four types of dried fruits: red dates, peanuts, longan, and lotus seeds
Customized Coca Cola
The bottle body is printed with the names, happy words, and auspicious phrases of both parties
Dessert table
You can find a cake shop to customize some simple and cute small cakes
Wedding Cake
Such as lotus cake, egg yolk cake, Bean paste cake, etc
Tea utensils
Tea bowls, tea trays, tea leaves, etc
6、 Engagement banquet process
The main process of the engagement banquet is as follows:
1. The man sets off for the woman's house
On the morning of the engagement day, the groom to be and his parents need to leave with the dowry to the bride's house, and some places pay attention to carrying the burden. You can also choose not to go home and deliver directly to the hotel, but the groom needs to send someone to pick up the bride and her parents to the hotel.
2. Tea break
After the groom arrives at the bride's house, he should give her the dowry, and at the same time, the newlyweds should introduce each other to their relatives and friends. The bride should prepare tea and pastries to entertain guests.
3. Go to the hotel
After exchanging pleasantries, both parties should head to the hotel together, with the prospective couple standing at the entrance to welcome the guests.
4. Exchange gifts
At the engagement ceremony, the man will give a betrothal gift and three golds, and the woman needs to reciprocate. The woman usually refunds a portion of the gift money and gives away some clothes, watches, specialties, etc.
5. Matchmaker's speech
If the couple was introduced by a middleman, it is necessary to have the matchmaker express some good wishes to the newlyweds on the day of the engagement banquet.
6. Change the taste of tea
Newlyweds may change their tune by offering tea to each other's parents, but in some regions, it is customary to change their tune on the day of their wedding, depending on local customs.
7. Wear a ring
After the above process is completed, the man should put an engagement ring on the woman, which is a token of love and a promise from the man to the woman.
8. Parent's speech
Parents must be deeply moved when they see their children engaged, so they can express their innermost thoughts and send their best wishes to the newlyweds during this session.
9. Toast up
Toasting indicates that the engagement ceremony is coming to an end, and the prospective couple needs to toast each guest one by one, accept their blessings, and express gratitude to them.
10. The banquet begins
After the toasting is completed, the banquet officially begins, and guests can enjoy a hearty drink, chat about daily life, and enhance their understanding of each other's families.
7、 The Etiquette and Taboos of Engagement
1. Change your words
If a tea ceremony is arranged for the engagement and parents give a red envelope for changing the name, it is necessary to change the name and call them parents. The change fee starts at least 1000 yuan and has no upper limit. Common options include 6666 yuan, 8888 yuan, 9999 yuan, and 10001 yuan.
2. Earnest money
The dowry is for engagement. Both families usually discuss the dowry after the proposal and before the engagement. The groom needs to present the dowry to the bride in front of everyone during the engagement ceremony to show his sincerity and determination. However, in some regions, the groom will first give the bride a portion of the dowry when proposing, and then give the remaining portion when getting engaged, depending on local customs.
3. Gold jewelry
Before the engagement, the man needs to buy three pieces of gold for the woman and bring them together with the dowry to her home on the day of the engagement.
4. Matchmaker
The role of a matchmaker is not only reflected in matchmaking, but sometimes when it comes to sensitive topics, a 'middleman' is needed to help communicate. In some regions, there is a tradition of 'no marriage without a matchmaker', where regardless of whether the couple is in a free relationship or not, they must hire a matchmaker to help promote the wedding process. If there are relevant customs in the local area, be sure to find a reliable matchmaker in advance~